I wonder what my leg would taste like

The other day, while walking to my car from the library, I suddenly wondered, “I wonder what my leg would taste like.”  No, I don’t thrive on the macabre.  And I would sooner DIE A HUNDRED DEATHS before EVER eating human flesh.

The thought must have come from looking down at my calves, which I am trying to firm up with exercise.  Have you ever been creeped out by raw animal meat still on the bone?  Or even just raw meat?  That’s how my leg would look, if it were chopped up.  I would do very poorly as a long-ago pioneer traveling the plains or hunter because I just can’t look at dead animals – in whole or part – without connecting with it in a very visceral, spiritual sense.  It makes me sad.  It makes me sad because that animal lived, just like I live, and it walked and communicated and used its muscles, just like I do.  And now it is lifeless matter, just flesh and bones and blood.  Despite my feelings, my attempts at being vegetarian have been in vain.

If a dinosaur came along and ate me, I think my leg would taste pretty good.  Just enough muscle, and a good amount of fat to satisfy such a hungry creature.  I just hope I’d be dead and unconscious before he took a bite.

 

Do Microwaves Emit Radiation?

My sister is convinced that microwaves emit radiation.  She won’t even stand in front of one.  She will quickly jump at least 5 feet away or get behind a wall while one is running.  She grabs children and babies and moves them out of the way.  Part of me wants to believe her, but then I think back to my grandparents’ microwave.  This was some 25-ish years ago, in the 80s.  Their microwave must have been one of the very first models, maybe from 1982, or something like that.  It was SO OLD.  It had a strange knob, like a twist-timer, to set the time.  There was one level of intensity, and not even a popcorn button.  I scoured the internet for a similar picture, and found this remarkable one – I think it might be the same exact model as my grandparents!

That makes me so excited.  I don’t know how long they had it, but they used it a lot.  Just for fun, I will post this related picture:

I don’t know this guy but I think this was taken in my grandparent’s kitchen

Anyway, I think if microwaves emitted radiation, all 30+ year olds would be mutants from being in the same vicinity as these babies.  As far as I know, I am not a mutant, nor are most other people that weathered the 80’s.  In my opinion, if we are worried about radiation from microwaves, then we should be worried ALL THE TIME (since radiation is directionless, knows no boundaries like walls and doesn’t wane with relatively short distances like 100 miles), and we should probably be more worried about cell phones, since the ratio of microwaves to cell phones is like 4:1 and cell phones are used 100x more frequently.

Although I may sound like it, I am not a nuclear physicist.  Please correct me if you are a scientist and know more than me about this! 

Don’t Step On Beans

Tonight I had chili, left over from a crock pot chlli fest on Sunday.  Unfortunately, a bean escaped my table and fell to the floor, unbeknownst to me, where it then was squashed by my shoe.  When I arose from the table, I tried to walk over my tiled floor and WOW my foot slipped right underneath me and I almost ended up horizontal!  Or broken my neck on the counter! I was so surprised!  What could possibly make my shoe SO slippery???? Well, as you might guess, and as I then found out, it was A PINTO BEAN.  Who would have known that beans could rival a banana peal any day?  Why don’t people make jokes about beans being slippery? Are people too busy talking about magical fruity beans making us toot? Or are there just too many slippery foods so people just focus on one: bananas.  Well, I can only say that I have never slipped on a banana peel, but I have sure felt the slip of a bean under my shoe!  Good luck to all of you the next time you eat chili and someone drops beans!